Artemis Fowl: The Play
by Q For Quality
Summary: Artemis and Holly enter the community play and get more than they bargained for! better than it sounds, i hope! Crackfic Arty/Holly!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all! Now, this probably isn't that good, but still review! But please review, whatever you think! This will eventually kind of a be a funny crackfic, though i dont think this chapter will be,,, anyways,,, onward!**

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><p>Artemis sat at his desk, looking at the screen. Financials... Keeping up with the family accounts. He saw a shimmer of light next to the window and turned to face it.<p>

"Hello, holly." he smirked as a figure came into view. She tossed a bag onto the bed and took off her helmet.

"Artemis, next time, leave the window UNLOCKED." she fell back onto a chair brushed a fallen hair out of her face.

Artemis chuckled.

"What? No please?" seeing Holly's glare, he sighed and turned back to the computer. Holly crossed her arms.

"So you're just going to ignore me?" she paused for a moment and leaned against the desk beside him before continuing. "Why did you want me here, Artemis?" he turned back to face her and held his fingers together.

"My parents signed me up for the community play."

Holly did a double take. She thought for a minute.

"What?" she made a confused and defeated look. Artemis sighed.

"My parents signed me up fo-"

Holly stopped him.

"No, no... I heard that. But... What does it have to do with me?"

"You, holly, are going to do the play with me."

She froze. What was he talking about? Do the play? With mud people? Artemis finally spoke again.

"Holly, I know no one else in this production and I would very much like it if you did the play with me." he studied her. She had a blank expression. She sighed.

"Okay... Fine. I'll have to talk to Foaly about the MMM he's been working on."

Artemis gave a puzzled look.

"MMM?" he asked.

Holly nodded.

"Mud Man Maker."

"A little simple minded, don't you think?" he said. Holly shrugged and walked over to the bed, pulling something out of her bag.

"What's that?" Artemis asked, squinting in the darkness. Holly rolled their eyes.

"I'm not going to sleep in my suit, now am I?"

"So you're staying the night, then?" he asked, shifting in her glance.

"When do I not?" she pranced over to the bathroom and closed the door. Artemis sighed. Of cooourse she was going to stay. She aaaalways stays... And kicks him out of his own bed. This all happened 4 years ago, when he turned 15. And now he was 19 (though to the rest of the world, 22) and still sleeping on the floor almost every Friday night. Looks like this was another one.

The bathroom door opened and Holly stepped out in her sweats. She had put her hair in a messy bun and a t-shirt. At first, Artemis found it strange to see the Captain in such casual clothes, but after awhile he got used to it. She threw her suit onto her bag and jumped back into the chair she had previously been sitting in. She curled her legs up and brought her arms around them.

"So... When is this play? And where do I sign up?"

"Practice starts in a week and I already signed you up."

Holly choked on the water she had started to drink. She wiped the water she got on her face off and put the glass down.

"What?"

"I already signed you up."

She crossed her arms and leaned forward.

"And how did you know I would say yes?"

He gave a guilty smile.

"I just sort of... hoped."

Holly rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. Now what IS the play, anyways?"

Artemis, who had turned back to the computer, glanced up at her.

"The Little Mermaid."

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><p><strong>AN: See, I told you! Not funny! Anyways, the next chapter will hopefully be funny, so goodbye for now!**


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Holly woke up feeling refreshed. She loved sleeping in Artemis' bed. It was sooo comfortable! She rolled over and felt something solid against her back. She sat up and looked over at a mass of black hair peeking out from under the blanket. Holly jumped. Artemis. She pulled her leg back under the covers and swung it back to Artemis.

"Oowwwww.." Artemis mumbled, turning over. Holly rolled her eyes. Artemis rubbed his eyes. "Why?" he said incredulously, rubbing his newly bruised bicep.

"You're in the bed." holly said plainly.

Artemis looked around.

"It's MY bed." he said matter-of-factly. Holly punched him on his already injured arm.

"You would have been just fine on the floor."

"If the floor is so 'fine', then why don't you sleep on it?"

"Because I'm a lady."

Artemis frowned.

"Miss short, isn't everything you fought for to get rid of males treating you differently because you're a girl?" Artemis said smugly. Holly sighed.

"Yeah..."

Artemis nodded.

"That's what I thought." jumping out of bed, He grabbed a shirt out of his drawer. Holly looked at him.

"Really? You couldn't put a shirt on?"

"I sleep without a shirt on."

"Well I sleep without pants on but I wear them with company around."

"Well I like to be comfortable."

"I don't care."

"You should."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because you just should... Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?"

Holly rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. Bye the way, Foaly sent the MMM with me... I guess he just forgot to tell me. As you can see, I used it. Now quit being full of yourself and let's go eat."

Artemis smirked.

"Are you always hungry?" he asked, pulling on the shirt.

"Yes... Are you calling me fat?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"No! Just... Ugh, never mind..."

Downstairs, Butler and Juliet were making breakfast. Juliet was making the eggs and Butler was making pancakes. Juliet was humming an off-key tune as she flipped the eggs.

"Dum dum dee dum dum dum dee dum dum..."

Butler looked at her.

"Juliet..."

She looked up from her food.

"What?"

"Stop."

She made a confused expression.

"Why? I'm just humming."

Butler sighed.

"Yeah, but... You're horrible."

Juliet made a sarcastic smile.

"Thanks bro."

Butler shrugged. Juliet hadn't ever thought she would get a singing career anyways, did she? He hoped not. After a few minutes of silence, they heard something crash in the hallway. Dropping their things and running out into the hallway, they saw an upside down Artemis at the bottom of the stairs.

"Ooowww... God, we've been awake 10 minutes and you've already effectively bruised every inch of my skin!" he groaned. A laugh came down the stairs and a girl with short, red hair pranced down the stairs.

"Well if you weren't such a baby, you wouldn't have a problem!" she laughed more and ran to Artemis. She gave him a hand up (literally and figuratively) and straightened his distressed mess of hair. She thought for a moment. "You have a lot of hair..."

Artemis glanced at her and half-smiled.

"Yeah, I need to get it cut."

"No!" she almost-yelled. Artemis raised an eyebrow at her. Her face reddened. "I mean... I like it long."

Artemis didn't say anything... He didn't really know what to say. He looked up at her. It was kind of strange to not have to look down so far to see her. It was nice, if you could say that. She finally spoke again.

"You know, I'm still hungry, can we go eat?" she said, rubbing her stomach. Artemis nodded.

"I think Juliet and Butler went to Juliet wrestling tournament here in Ireland and-" Artemis caught Himself when he saw Juliet and Butler. "Ah... Never mind." Juliet snickered and Butler gave him a questioning look. Artemis rolled his eyes. Usually, Artemis would go down and bring food up, but believing that no one was home, he decided they could go downstairs. Wrong choice. He leaned over to Holly.

"What's your cover name?" he whispered into her ear.

"Emma."

He gave her questioning look.

"Emma?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Just go with it."

Artemis shrugged. Who cared what her fake name was? You may be wondering why he must hide anything from Butler... Well 3 years ago, he was in a car accident and he lost all memory of... Well... Regaining his memory of the fairies. Artemis decided it would be easier on his brain to not learn about the fairies. Therefore, he did not know about Holly. Juliet, of course, never got her memories back.

"So... Artemis..." Juliet started, giggling all the way through. "Who's your friend?"

Artemis glanced at Holly.

"Uh... This is... Emma."

Holly smiled uncomfortably. Juliet smiled and held out her hand.

"Hi, I'm Juliet." she grinned, looking like an idiot. Sometimes Artemis wasn't sure about her sanity.

"I know." Holly replied. Artemis elbowed her. She glared at him. "I mean... Nice to meet you Juliet." she smiled nicely and looked back at Artemis. She rubbed her rib. "Really, Artemis?"

Artemis laughed.

"Now you understand my constant pain." he smiled at her. She drew her fist back and punched him in the jaw. The smile was wiped right off his face.

Rubbing his jaw, he looked back up at the Butler siblings and, seeing their incredulous stares, he turned a deep shade of red and rubbed the back of his neck. He grabbed Holly's hand and pulled her into the kitchen. Holly looked back at them quickly.

"Nice to meet you!" she said, just before she was pulled into the other room.

In the kitchen, Holly grabbed an apple and tossed it into the air. She sat on the counter and took a bite of it.

"So," she said with a mouthful of apple in her mouth. Hey, no one had ever accused Holly of being too-well-mannered. "When are auditions?" she swallowed and tossed the apple to Artemis. He took a bite of it and threw it back at her. This had become routine. They could never finish apples on their own so they would just eat one together... Anyways...

"Tomorrow. We have to sing something and recount a scene from the play."

Holly choked on the apple.

"Tomorrow! How on earth will I have something ready by tomorrow?"

Artemis shrugged. Holly thumped him. He sighed.

"Honestly, you cannot go 5 minutes without harming me." he said, sighing.

"Very true, it amuses me."

Rolling his eyes, Artemis grabbed the apple out of her hands and took another bite. Just then, Juliet and Butler walked back into the kitchen. Juliet sat down next to Holly on the counter.

"So you're doing the play also? I don't know why, but I never really saw Arty becoming friends with someone in the theatre."

Holly took another bite and passed the apple to Artemis.

"He's making me do the play. I'm not actually a theatre type."

Juliet nodded and looked down.

"So how long have you guys known each other?"

Holly glanced at Artemis and added up the years in her head.

"Uh... About 7 years... Right?" she looked at Artemis for assurance. "Right."

Juliet looked at Artemis.

"I didn't know you had any friends."

Holly burst out laughing. Artemis glared at her. He looked back at Juliet.

"Yes, well, uh... Yeah, I don't really."

Juliet frowned.

"But you have a girlfriend..." she started. Holly looked at Artemis.

"You have a girlfriend?" she asked, crossing her arms. He gave a surprised look.

"What? No! Juliet!"

Juliet looked at them.

"Wait... You're not dating?" she looked highly confused. They shook their heads. She looked sad. "Oh... Well I just thought... But you're sleeping together!"

Butler laughed. This was the first Holly had heard anything from him. Artemis and Holly reddened. Artemis spoke up.

"Um... No, Juliet. We are NOT." he didn't risk a glance at Holly. She would be teasing him later about this. "She is a FRIEND... Who kicks me out of my bed and makes me sleep on the floor." he finally looked at Holly. She smiled deviously at him.

"Oh really, you didn't seem to care that I wanted to sleep alone last night, eh? By the way, you could work out a bit; you're a little weak in the biceps. Or a lot weak."

Juliet laughed at this. All of a sudden, her watch went off and she jumped up started punching the air while singing 'Eye of the Tiger'. Artemis looked at Butler and he shrugged, mouthing 'some training thing' at him.

"Oh it's the fight of the liger; it's the shrill of the light!" Juliet practically screamed.

"Oh god! Make it stop!" Butler said, running out of the room. Holly looked at Artemis and shrugged. Jumping up, she threw her apple core into the trash in one throw and pulled Artemis out of the kitchen. She hoped this play would he fun... Oh how little she knew.


End file.
